Inside the UK's only trans and non-binary domestic violence shelter (2024)

At just 21, Hannah Temple* found herself at the doors of Loving Me, the UK’s only trans and non-binary domestic and sexual violence shelter.

‘I arrived following a sequence of domestic abuse from a partner I was with at the time. It was really difficult because I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. My family disowned me a few years ago for being transgender,’ Hannah tells Metro.co.uk.

‘My partner was the sole person for me in terms of what I was provided with in the world. It felt like I was alone with this one person controlling everything and it destroyed me emotionally.’

The shelter was founded by 49-year-old Amanda Elwenin 2023, who is non-binary and has worked in the domestic abuse sector for 25 years. They noticed a lack of support and safe spaces for those who weren’t cis women.

But it was a phone call Amanda received from a worker at a women’s refuge in Blackpool which cemented the need for the small seven-bedroom Loving Me centre, which had opened that very day.

A trans woman was in need of refuge but the shelter wouldn’t take her because of their ‘single sex policy’. She’d experienced significant domestic abuse at just 23 years old.

As a result, she’d been passed over to a male homeless hostel with ex-offenders and drug users. Within the first three days of her stay there she had been sexually assaulted by six men. Loving Me was quick to open its doors to her.

‘It was at that point for me that I saw how step public services that are meant to protect people were actually placing people at more risk. No victim deserves to be put in a place where there are at higher risk,’ Amanda tells Metro.

Having come out as transgender just before the pandemic, Hannah used the time during lockdown to start hormone therapy, but in the process she lost the support of her family.

Once she had socially transitioned, the hospitality worker also had issues with being accepted in single sex spaces, particularly in her home city of Leicester.

‘Single sex spaces are always very difficult to interact with, for me personally, because there’s always that fear that something’s going to happen or something will be said,’ Hannah explains.

‘It’s happened a few times, but I will still keep trying and still keep engaging in single sex spaces because that’s my right. It’s just always disheartening when you have bad experiences.

‘It was never really an easy road until I ended up at Loving Me and I got a chance to stop and take a breath, which I hadn’t done for years at that point.’

Before reaching the shelter Hannah had been in a temporary housing arrangement with a care provider, until her support worker informed her that Loving Me was able to provide her with accommodation, where she stayed for five months.

‘I thought, “I can’t really keep going on on living like this, I need to get out”. So I did, and it was the perfect choice,’ she adds.

‘I think Loving Me recognised that pretty early on when I got there, and sort of very steadily and slowly helped me rebuild myself over time.’

What is a relief to anyone, including Hannah, about Loving Me, is that the shelter is also run exclusively by trans and non-binary individuals.

‘The support was incredible because the staff on hand knew what you were going through to some extent as trans people,’ Hannah explains.

‘You don’t have to try and explain to cisgender people what dysphoria is and how that’s impacted you on top of everything traumatic you’ve been through recently.

‘They helped me heal and find myself again.’

Sadly Hannah is just one of 72% of transgender and non-binary people who will experience domestic abuse in their lifetimes.

Despite this, founder Amanda, who sits as a board member for the Women’s Aid Federation for England, became frustrated and disappointed with the conversations happening regarding who could access the services.

‘Some of the conversations that were happening were really oppressive and discriminatory towards trans people.

‘There were a handful of people who were talking about how to exclude trans women from refuge spaces across the country, and that did not sit comfortably with me at all.’

Amanda went away and got together two national consultation groups of trans people, and found that trans individuals felt they were being let down by the police when they reported domestic abuse and that they were being rejected from shelters.

‘I’ve always believed any victim of abuse has the right to access support at a time when they need it. Nobody should be left in isolation. It felt like the whole world wasn’t listening,’ Amanda says.

Amanda got funding from the Police Crime Commissioners Office and the rank foundation, and was able to open Loving Me, which offers accommodation, safety planning, emotional support, and advice with court proceedings, as well as educating domestic abuse services across the country to be more trans inclusive.

For those lodging in the building, there are two family rooms for those with children, as well as five other communal rooms. There is also access to a flat, which is a single dispersed accommodation unit, for anyone not ready for shared accommodation.

But as a team of just six staff members, Loving Me is in desperate need of more funding. Despite these limited resources though, the refuge has helped more than 200 trans and non-binary individuals and currently has 76 open cases nationally.

For Melissa, 51, who works at the refuge, it is more than just a job.

‘It means an awful lot to come into a workplace where, as a trans person, you’re accepted for who you are,’ she tells Metro.co.uk

Her day consists of providing emotional support to those in need all around the country, either on the phone, over Zoom, web chat or email. She also provides face-to-face support for those staying with Loving Me.

‘It’s a special thing to work for a by-and-for service; I feel really privileged,’ she adds. ‘I think other organisations could do a lot more in terms of being supportive towards trans people.

‘I’ve seen incidents before with staff members who can’t remember people’s pronouns and who can be quite dismissive of trans people. Particularly, in terms of people accessing services, that can alienate people.’

It’s those like Melissa and Amanda, that are leaving people better than they found them, although just because someone may leave the shelter, that doesn’t mean the support stops there.

When Hannah left Loving Me she didn’t feel she left that support behind. ‘As long as they can help you, they will fight to help you. It’s incredible to know that I’ve found people who will be in my corner,’ she says.

‘I’ve been building myself up from the ground and I don’t have to do it alone.

‘Loving Me actually just helped me acquire a grant. They did it on my behalf, to help me put my little flat together and make sure that it’s a liveable space instead of somewhere I’m just surviving.’

Inside the UK's only trans and non-binary domestic violence shelter (2024)

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